Water Proof Mascara is a Must

Life is about risks.  I was not able to attend the "Mordecai is a Drag" party in Raleigh this May, much to my consternation and dismay.  By all accounts, the party was an absolute success, even with the torrential down pour ever present in the South when big events are occurring.  And now for the risk...I'm about to do something very uncomfortable...allow a guest blogger to recap the evening.

Without further ado, our guest blogger...Rusty.  Be kind gentle readers!

Wow . . . a chance to tell my side of the stories of the Morcecai is a Drag party.  I'm so honored . . . maybe I can redeem SOME of my dignity that I lost that night.  Perhaps it flew out of my dress, along with one or more of my massive boobs during my performances. 

We should have known with all the preparation that Med did for the party:  the stage, the tent, the spot light, and the sound system, that something would go wrong, and we'd end up crowded into his living room with a bare light bulb illuminating the performers like some seedy speakeasy.  We may have been rained out, but nobody can rain on our parade!  We may have sweated through layers of pancake makeup, we brought the thunder down on Mordecai, and NOT just by stomping our heels and tearing up Med's floors. 

And speaking of easy, the performers once again raised the bar while lowering their inhibitions; we had new performers, repeat performers, and trainees in the ways of drag.    

Wayne was quite a revelation in his first (official) performance.  He was a demanding client in the makeup chair (Khristi was quite the trooper, having spent a lifetime developing a makeup craft that would look as if one was not wearing makeup, this was not her task for evening. At once point she said, "You may look a little whorish".  I said, "That's a good start!")  He changed personas through the night, beginning as the creature transforming from above to below: Jaynelle Ingus

Michael, err, Cherry Penetrada, also transformed many times in the evening . . . starting the night off in a smart riding outfit, and them moving into the next ensemble, worn for five minutes, in which she displays quite a talent for bedazzled patchwork quilts.

And then there was our hostess, Ms. Carmen Vajayjay.  With an ensemble straight from Jean Claude Penney, she was radiant as she explained the 10 Classic Drag Moves™:  Moving Fast, Ugly Face, Sticky Booger, Fertilizing the Lawn, Washing Two Windows, Paralyzed Arms, Underhand Softball Pitch, Chasing and Crushing a Cockroach (Giddy up), Puttin' Out the Pussy Fire, and The Plant.  She incorporated all ten moves into her first number, and challenged all of us to incorporate those moves into our numbers.  The audience was given signs to hold up as they identified each Classic Drag Move™.  

Once we were taught the moves, all the performers took to the stage, really an appetizer of the upcoming enchantment to wet the audience appetite.

The first performer was yours truly, under the nom de guerre Duna Kegel.  While I was too engrossed in my performance to notice, the drizzle was steadily increasing, forcing all to eventually move indoors.  My first number was a bawdy, tawdry ditty called, appropriately, "Boobs".  I leave it to others to discuss my interpretation; suffice to say that I embodied the lyrics. 

We had to move inside and regroup . . . at first, we weren't sure how we could possible go on . . . drag is best experienced in dim lighting and from a distance.  This was going to be in your face, up close and personal drag.  Cherry, never one to shy away from a harsh spotlight, performed admirably in our new venue.  She took advantage of the intimate setting to show us a side of her we'd not seen, giving birth multiple times with the assistance of Nurse Jaynelle.  

With the ice broken, we were ready to move on with the rest of the entertainment!

Duna and Carmen taking a break from the breathtaking talent; catching our breath while also enjoying a cold Corona.

Perhaps one of the biggest surprises of the night was Jaynelle's transformation from Glamazon in knee-high red boots to Meanna Von Bisschslapp, German mådchen in yellow Crocs who apparently spent a LOT of time in Nashville sleeping with country music stars.  While her song choice might have left some questioning her drag bona fides, her prop certainly won over the crowd (though the lesbians who became the target of said prop may disagree with my characterization).

Our stalwart performer Roxanne Gravel (who I believe tried to change her name, but we all quickly reverted back to her previous incarnations), enchanted us TWICE, once with the sheer number of items she pulled from her bodice, then by setting things on fire as she cast her spell on us all.

Our lone drag king for the evening, Mr. Rod Spectacular (and yes it was!) performed "Sugalumps" and was lumpaliscious!  He transfixed the crowd, the women wanting him, the men wanting to be him, the lesbians conflictingly drawn to him, the drag queens wanting to take his jewelry for their Madonna tribute.  It made some of us think Jude who? 

We tried to teach some new dogs our old tricks with our own Dragulator.  Each contestant had to choose a wig and perform two Classic Drag Moves ™.  Let's just say that no one was jealous of their boogie (though they DID display their Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent).

In keeping with my penchant for story songs, Duna returned to the stage for a performance of "Go Away Little Boy", complete with 5 minute monologue on finding love at LAX.  Drama was evident 

Lastly, we all took to the dance floor, with Rod and Carmen bumping uglies and donning new wigs.    

As the winner of RuPaul's first Drag Race, Bebe Zaharia says, love to you all!  Kisses and feathers!

My thanks to Rusty for the commentary on our very own Raleigh tranny wreck.  Girls, you truly put the Walmart in Drag.       

Other May/June news.  Oscar, our good friend and a spicy little Spanish Tapas, graduated from Airplane mechanics school.  Congrats to Oscar and thanks Dominic for a great evening party.  The wine was flowing and the dancing was fierce.

The graduate was doing well for the afternoon portion of the evening but managed to consume huge amounts of beer/wine/shots and was forced to enjoy a day or two of recovery at home after (or so sources say).  

May 31st, a celebration of Heidi's Birthday.  You know I love a party with a theme and  I love interesting drinks.   So, who could fault a party centered around interesting drinks, the theme?  Bloody Marys.  

Some stand out attempts at the party were Tania's Jalapeno infused vodka, an egg and bacon garnish (pickled quail egg and pancetta) by Charles, Heidi's beau, and pickled okra garnishes.  The showstopper?  Bloody Mary Sorbet...wha...what?  Yes folks, one fine guest spent hours coaxing magic from tomatoes, spices, and vodka and froze it into a delicious icy concoction.  

And this dedicated guest?  I'm much to modest to let my gentle readers know it was, well...me...

Now, back to the Birthday girl, Heidi.  Delores Park was practically over flowing with Mission Hipsters and kids.  A few guys stretched a strap across two palm trees and gave our Birthday girl a try at tight rope walking...very difficult but of course Heidi seemed to take to it like a dingo to babies.  

   

Charles brought along a croquet set, but unfortunately open expanses in San Francisco are few and far between especially on temperate sunny days.  The game never truly got going.  Charles seems a very friendly sort, translate that to mean I'll be choosing another partner if we ever do manage to get together a croquet game, preferably someone with a sarcastic wit and very little conscience.  Yes, the gauntlet has been thrown down.   

What San Francisco lacks in space, is certainly made up for in beautiful views.  No wonder so many people end up at Delores Park.  

A few Fridays ago, the Museum of Modern Art hosted a members evening to introduce the Fisher collection.  The Fisher's are the moguls who started the Gap.  The couple donated their art collection to the SFMOMA, over 1,100 pieces valued at over a billion dollars...I don't care who you are that's a lot of money and art.

Contemplative or Coquettish?  Two art aficionados work the rooftop sculpture garden.  

Is there an art museum out there that doesn't own a dozen Calder's.  

Heidi, Tania, Rusty and Rich recoil from the horrific lighting produced by a florescent monstrosity masquerading as art.  I fear we are all at the age where florescent is not our friend...personally I prefer the soft warm tones of candle light...romantic...pleasant...and oh so forgiving.  

End of June?  Gay Pride.  OK readers, please prep for a grumpy old man rant.  I'm not quite sure why we keep attending the Gay Pride in San Francisco.  It appears Pride involves drinking heavily, taking massive amounts of drugs, and puking in the gutters, all to a fierce trip hop dance beat.  

The day was also punctuated by gangs of young girls in scantily clad outfits enjoying  bouts of underage drinking, and pulling along their miserable boyfriends.   These loud LUGS (Lesbians Until Graduation) were set to party and were not willing to allow a little thing like Pride (or dignity for that matter) get in their way. If that isn't enough to make the gays proud, well, I don't know what is!  Again, straight people ruin everything, excepting my gentle readers of the straight variety of course.  

Despite this, we met some really nice people and managed to see a few great singers...Rolls Royce was there singing "Car Wash" and sounding absolutely fantastic.  Martha Davis, from The Motels was also there singing "Only the Lonely" and "Suddenly Last Summer".  Most of the tweeking teens had never heard of these classic greats, "Does history mean nothing to kids today?"  We stayed for one song of the next act, "The Back Street Boys."  They were looking old, gay, and tired...not necessarily in that order.  We left the day in plenty of time to moisturize our sun burns and get a good nights sleep.  

Another spring has come and gone in the Bay Area, and summer is rocketing past at incredible speeds already.  The fog has not arrived yet in the East Bay but is expected any day now.  We are busily preparing for our trip next Thursday to Europe.  1 1/2 weeks in Germany, then Rusty's choir tour starts in Hungary and Romania.  Should be wicked fun.  With an expensive mortgage looming, we shouldn't be spending the money but you only celebrate a twentieth anniversary one time.  It'll take us another 20 years to pay this trip off but as a good friend put it, "There will always be roofs to fix and decks to build, but there won't always be the opportunity to go on this trip."  Guilt assuaged!

Gentle reader, expect big adventures for the next blog as we embrace our inner Euro Trash.