It Takes a Villages (Tribute #1)

It seems once one starts to follow the nostalgia trail, there is no turning back until all is vetted.  Lately I've been thinking about the person I've become and the many people in my life who have impacted me...

If I take you back more than just a bit, gentle reader, to my teen years, you would have met a quiet, pimple faced, innocent boy with extremely good manners (almost television quality) and a habit of apologizing for everything.  I know most teens lack self confidence but my esteem was lower than the chassis of a Delorean.   My working class parents weren't overly encouraging as money was tight, the work day was extremely long, and they didn't have the luxury of spending time or effort encouraging us beyond their own understanding of success.

Awkward prom night photo...yes, I did have a date. 

Yes, folks, the pimple faced, skinny boy who was extremely polite and as sarcastic as any other teen.  

I'm sure friends that knew me in those years may see some of that introverted awkward teen still struggling in me, but most others see the confident, stubborn and outgoing educational leader that I have become.  Hopefully, they also see a principled person with a high degree of integrity, because these are qualities I admire in others and try to model as much as possible.

In my life's journey, I've met scores of people that have had an impact on me.  I consider myself a middle class success, drowning in debt of course but not starving by any means.   Professionally, I have a job that I like and sometimes even love, I consider myself a good leader striving to be even better.  Most of my closest friends would consider me somewhat driven, a trait I believe comes directly from my mom.

If you had known me in those teen years, you may have discounted my potential to achieve even this modicum of success.  Not because I wasn't bright, or kind, or even talented in some respects, rather because I couldn't envision any life beyond my current circumstances.

Like many teens, I really didn't have a vision of what life could be like.  The more I work with students I see major differences in world views between those that are on the road to a successful and joy filled life (no, I don't want to argue about what is actually a successful life, define it how you will gentle reader), and those that are on entirely different path fraught with difficulty and often with despair.

The difference is having a positive vision of where one's life can go.  We don't teach our students that the life we live is the life we choose to live.  Those that see themselves as successful are able to set goals, work hard, and to eventually be successful.  Our children are often waiting for the lucky break, the chance to be on the voice and achieve instant stardom, being recruited out of college to the NBA, or being discovered as the next big star by sitting in Schwabb's Drugstore.

When I was a teen I couldn't even envision any lucky break nor could I even envision college, a relationship, travel, etc.  Despite a few minor exceptions (my Humanities teacher who never said, "If you go to Europe", rather always made a point to say, "When you go to Europe."), high school provided no better guidance or direction.  In fact, the covert sorting mechanism prevalent in high school meant I was destined to not achieve, I wasn't in the AP classes, wasn't on target for an athletics scholarship, and certainly didn't have the grades for any sort of academic scholarship.

So, all of this ranting and raving is just the build up to the point.  During those turbulent years, I did meet a family hat helped provide me with the tools to envision a life beyond a low wage job and a rental unit in the poorest parts of some small town.

Gail, the person who knows where all of the skeletons from my life are buried, introduced me to her family pretty early on.  Over the course of time, I became very close with her parents, Doug and Bev. Although my love for Gail is unshakable and her impact on my life is immeasurable, her parents helped me in ways of which they may not even be aware.

Gail and her sister Maggi...what sweet ladies.

Gail, the early years.  

Over the course of several years, these lovely people continuously encouraged me to follow my dreams, to accomplish what I wanted to accomplish.  In discussions about going to college or traveling or whatever crazy dream of the moment I happened to have, there was never a time when Bev or Doug placed a barrier in my path.  My self defeating head said things like, "Oh my grades aren't good enough to go to college, and I couldn't afford it anyway."  Instead of providing an unpalatable solution, the answer from Bev was always something like, "Just apply, the money will come.  You'll find a way."  Opening a door to the possibility was the motivation that I needed at the time.  Just someone to tell me that I should believe in myself and everything will happen.



Doug and I often played racquetball, and he often stomped me in the game (he has an awesome back hand and a little bit of a crafty mean streak in the game...).  He doesn't realize that those hours were a way for me to learn from him more than he knows.  We discussed ideas, and talked about his past.  He often filled my head with possibilities.

Both Bev and Doug were mentors to me when I needed a mentor desperately.

This is not meant to be a slight to my own parents who made me the person I am.  From my mother, I know I received a sense of Schwabian efficiency, professionalism in all that I do, and a certain style lending to the formal side.   From Dad, morality based on the greater good and not the individual need, wisdom to follow rules and more importantly to know when to break them, and diplomacy.  Very good people with everything going against them, and yet they made it work.  My tenacity in relationships is really a by product of their example.  I am tenacious in my loyalty to people,  a trait that I admire in myself and others.  I know that sounds a little self aggrandizing, but an important insight none the less.

The point is that I am the person I have become because others envisioned a life grander than I could envision myself.  Mentors don't impact you because they spend time with you, nor because they give you advice.  Mentors impact you because they can see you being successful.  They have an unwavering belief in you.  My mentors have come into my life when I needed them most...they have impacted me in ways they will never know.

You, gentle reader, are probably a mentor for someone and you may not even realize it.  Spend some time telling your acolyte that their crazy ass dream is possible, even if you don't really believe it to be.  The more you say something is possible, the more someone will believe anything is possible.