Bitter Sweet Pride

After a week and a day, my conscience finally got the better part of me.  The shock of the murders in Orlando was giving way to the grisly details reported ad nauseum on Facebook, on the news, and in the press.  Here I am, an educator that has built his career on his social justice and equity principles, and I've done nothing in my current district regarding the shootings and the overwhelming sense of despair many of our LGBTQ students must be feeling.

As most of you know, I rarely post anything on this blog about work.  This will be an exception and not a new norm.

Upon reflecting on exactly what to do, I tried to put myself in the shoes of our neophytes to the gay community, the baby gay freshman or sophomore at the high school just trying to fit in with others.   Hearing the news and seeing the images, our newest recruits must be feeling terrified, alone, and helpless.

My solution was to talk with our superintendent about this and see if he would be willing to send out a message of support...just a short note to the entire district saying that we will continue to support all students against bullying and know that this incident in particular has hit our LGBTQ community.  The primary purpose was to reach out to our most vulnerable community, to let our students, parents, and community know that our schools are safe spaces for all of our LGBTQ community.

Our wonderful Austrian secretary, quickly and efficiently found statements sent out by three other superintendents in the area to use as examples for my conversation.  Each statement was well crafted, thoughtful, and spoke volumes to the community.

The superintendent asked our Press and Information Officer to craft a statement.  I proofed the statement she had crafted, offered a few suggestions, but was overall impressed with her empathetic voice and her ability to really meet the purpose with such heartfelt integrity.

A few days later our PIO stopped by my office and placed the revised copy on my desk.  The superintendent had essentially offered his condolences for the tragedy but taken most references to supporting our LGBTQ community out of the message except as one group in a list of protected classes.

Many of you know that rarely do I get angry, but this action caused a strong visceral reaction.  I read the letter, processed for a few minutes, and then left the building for fear of saying things very unprofessional.  Upon cooling down, I set up an appointment to talk with the superintendent, perhaps I didn't articulate my purpose well enough.

I started the conversation by narrowing the focus to just our LGBTQ students, I explained the world they face on a daily basis based on statistics from GLSEN.  The national survey is pretty clear that our kids face more depression, homelessness, and suicides with bullying in schools as a root cause.  I also explained that this act of violence in a gay club, a place that is supposed to be a respite from the constant homophobia in America has increased the sense of fear, especially because this happened as most states are celebrating Gay Pride.  I also explained that the LA Gay Pride Parade was not sacred as a White Christian Male was caught with explosives and a plan to blow people up.  This is the environment our kids face every day.

I also explained that this revised letter did not send a message of support to a group of students in our schools feeling very vulnerable right now.   He asked if I knew that the bullying was going on at our High School.  I explained that the national statistics are pretty conclusive and when we break this down to the state statistics, California doesn't typically fend any better.  I also relayed an incident with a student in our alternative school that is transgendered and has been left homeless, she was living behind the school until staff members discovered this and got her the services she needed.

He went into an explanation how the timing of this message has made it difficult to clear it with the board, we haven't been able to get ahead of the message.  He also has said that this isn't about homophobia...I assured him that I am not suggesting to anyone this is about homophobia but about reaching out to our kids.

I followed up by saying, sir, I realize that all of these things may be true, but this message is not meeting our initial purpose, that is why I'm not asking you not to change the message, rather just not send it out.  My first instinct is to do no harm and I'm not sure that a message this generalized is doing no harm.  Unless we call people to the table, especially the people that were the target of such a heinous act, then we can serve to further marginalize an already under represented and under served population.

He thanked me for having this conversation.  I assured him that I would continue to be ab advocate as I believe it to be my moral obligation and quite frankly a matter of life and death for our LGBTQ kids. He said he would bring this issue to the new superintendent and to the board president to begin this conversation.

Please don't think, gentle reader, that I am trying to vilify the superintendent.  He is a man who has done many great things for the school district, he at the time was a week and a half away from retirement, and he probably wants to slip away from a 40+ year career without controversy.

Please also don't think this is the first time for me to bring up an uncomfortable conversation with a superintendent.  I brought up a similar conversation about messaging around gay marriage with my last superintendent, who chose to send the message, a treatise starting with Thomas Jeffersonian democracy, very convoluted and a full page long ending in a final paragraph about gay marriage sent out at the beginning of July as all were on summer break.

Make no mistake, I am not a superintendent and don't ever intend to be one.  It is a very difficult job under appreciated.  The decision making process involves many stakeholders, and every message is up for criticism and debate.  I guess what surprised me around this issue, was to me this seemed like a no brainer.  Our kids are feeling vulnerable and we need to send a message of support in the face of the worst gun related tragedy in history.  And yet, even in our little district in the bay area, a place reported to be very accepting, we couldn't manage to accomplish that task.  Don't anyone ever fool you into thinking there is less homophobia, racism and sexism in California then anywhere else.  Institutionalized 'isms are everywhere, including the liberal bay area.

As I get older, integrity seems to be more and more important as a characteristic of leadership.  Maintaining integrity requires having these conversations with leaders.  I applaud the leaders that did send out a message to their own LGBTQ communities.

I'm wondering when compassion became a political act, one that needed to be cleared with a board or vetted with a community.  To be compassionate means to show compassion always and to do compassionate acts.

I know this was posted on my Facebook, but it is something I read often as it encapsulates the rhetoric I chose to put forth.  This is from a local retreat center: Spirit Rock

"In the chaos of violence, senselessness, carnage and despair, we can take care of each other. We can hold each other with the most precious thing we can offer, our compassionate attention. Unwavering, we can love one another without questioning or second guessing any aspect of that love or anyone's life experience or identity. There is great Power in that coming together from wherever we are. In that solidarity with the deepest place of our humanity, we begin to live the truth that the Buddha spoke of: Hate never yet dispelled hate. Only love dispels hate. This is the law, ancient and inexhaustible. We begin to create justice in the only ways possible - through just means. Instead of trading Homophobia with Xenophobia as an insidious pattern of the market economy, instead of displacing and playing off the oppression of one, for the oppression of another, we endeavor to dispel all oppressions for the freedom of all beings. We can only create justice through just means - that is the law, ancient and inexhaustible." 


So, gentle readers, please go out and create justice through just means.  I'm working to put out love to all to dispel the hate...let this tragedy serve to move each of us toward whatever actions we are capable of and towards things bigger than ourselves.  

Unexpected Trip to CT

Connecticut, more than just a commuter state to new York City.  I recently took an unexpected trip to Connecticut and managed to see a few sites.  This turn around trip was a short four days, but Yosiell and I managed to pack in a few adventures.  Similar to the slide shows of days of yore, I'll give you the run down through pictures.

First stop, the outskirts of Yale University, New Haven (just a brief dinner top before hitting  Bridgeport, Yosiell's family homestead).  One day i'd like to walk the campus and see this classic institution.  

Louis Lunch, established 1895...this is the birthplace of the ubiquitous hamburger.  This place still sells hamburgers, basically a burger on two pieces of bread...not much else.  

After dinner in New Haven, we went on to Yosiell's family homestead in Bridgeport Connecticut...made famous of course as being the home of Santa Clause's Factory in the Family Guy TV series. 

And on to Bridgeport...High school photos, always fun to reminisce with family...I had a hard time recognizing Yosiell in these glamour  shots.  

Oh the teen years! 

Bridgeport...where the motto should be "I think it's getting better..."  (This is basically what every person that asked me what I thought of Bridgeport responded to when I said "It's nice...")

The Pez Factory...in Orange County Connecticut...just outside of Bridgeport.  Quick trip to the visitors center to pick up some souvenirs.  

Yosiell as a Pez Dispenser.  

And me as a Pez Dispenser...the visitors center was better than I thought it would be...

Creepy angel Pez Dispensers! 

Pez awesomeness! 

Crystal Pez Dispenser...Santa Baby, Slip this under my tree please! 

My next year's Halloween costume! 

Pez Motorcycle...Yes, Please. 

Pez sexiness through the years.  

 After fulfilling family obligations, we arrived in Hartford to fly out.   Our flight was cancelled with no rescheduling until the next day.  So we spent an extra day in Hartford seeing a few sites.

First stop the Old State House, an old fire truck in the basement of the Old State House in Hartford. 

Mark Twaine's first bicycle.  

Justice, the wooden version, strapped together with metal bands, lest she fall apart...she stood successfully on top of the Old State House for over 100 years.  

The Old State House had an Oddities and Curiosities show going on...Pretty cool looking...yes that is a two headed calf in the case.

This is the outside of the Old State House...this is where the trial of the kidnapped African men that revolted on the Amsted was held.  

Ancient burial ground in Hartford...pretty cool, lots of gravestones from the mid 1700's. 

A quick trip through the Antheneum, an incredible art museum, this piece was in their version of an Oddities Cabinet display. 

Another view of this piece...

Grumpy traveller! 

Old structure along the river...

So, a quick trip with some interesting diversions to fill the time.  When in Connecticut I highly recommend the Pez Factory...it's hard not to love Pez Dispensers!

Small Act - Big Impact

Let's face it, age makes you jaded.  The trials of time and life seem to accumulate over the years, and soon we pride ourselves on being worldly, this is just a euphemism for the loss of innocent wonder we once experienced. Never has this been so apparent as when I was boldly confronted with an act of selflessness that really made me reevaluate my curmudgeonly ways.

Driving to and from work is excellent think time for me.  More often than not, I don't turn on the radio, rather content with listening to the conversations in my head solving the world's problems or regretting all of the things positive and negative I should've said.

Although this level of thought allows me to drive the car, I often get lost in my own head and forget to look at the instrument panel.  On rare occasions I run out of petrol(yes, I'm using the word petrol, an affectation left over from living with my Aussie mate Di for so many years), and I completely miss the flashing light warning me that I'm about to be stranded on the side of the road.

So, the car starts to sputter and I took the off ramp toward Castro Valley.  Not really a bad place to be stranded as I know lots of wonderfully generous people in CV that will be happy to lend a hand.  My car was safe on the side of the road, and I've called my first rescuer, Becky Maciel, and wait by the side of the road.  Becky is an exceptionally patient friend as it took us three different gas stations to be able to purchase a plastic gas can and fill it.  (By the way, I'm starting quite a collection of red plastic gas cans in my basement, let me know if you need one).

My sincerest appreciation to Becky for abandoning her family right about dinner time to come rescue me in my hour of need.  I sent Becky on her way, as I marched down the ramp toward my car on the side of the road.  I figured a little petrol in the tank and I'd at least get to the nearest gas station.

Well, I got the gallon in the tank and went to start the car.  As I was sitting in the drivers seat, a young man with a pull over, a hemp necklace with a cross attached, and a skateboard ton his arm rapped on my passenger side window.  I rolled down the window to see a beautiful dark haired 20 year old with a cherubic face that seemed neither male or female, rather had the androgyny that so many young people seem to be so comfortable with and older more static mindset populations feel so discomforted by.  This is not to call into question this young man's gender expression or identity, rather I've always envisioned biblical angels as somewhat androgynous: beautiful, kind, loving, fierce and powerful.

Oddly enough, this young man was not only carrying a skateboard, but was also carrying a gas can. Yes, gentle readers, I did a double take on that one.  I rolled down the window, we exchanged pleasantries, and he offered up the petrol in his gas can.  I was having some trouble getting the car started with my one can but with the additional gas, the car started like a champ.

In speaking with this young strange angel, I asked with no small degree of incredulousness whether he just always has a gas can on him when he is going around town or is this just a coincidence.  He humbly admitted that he always has a gas can on him.

I offered up a ride, and he accepted.  His car was in a parking lot around the corner.  I surmised that he must have seen me stranded, parked and walked his half full gas can to my car.  We chit chatted and I explained I had been an educator in the district,  and it turns out he had graduated from Castro Valley High School, and before that Canyon Middle School.  We know some of the same educators.

Our two worlds are even smaller.  I had to do a little Facebook stalking so I could send a thank you card and I noticed this young man and I have a mutual friend, a parent of former students of mine who is a minister at his church.  A family I hold in high esteem for their humor, kindness, and generosity.

As he left, I offered up money to pay for the gas and as a young person filled with a generous ideology, he declined the offer. The encounter with this strange angel took less than fifteen minutes, but in that fifteen minutes I was reminded of some universal truths and challenged to examine some of my assumptions.

As many of you know, my relationship with any deity is fairly complicated.  Often, my feeling is that if the God's and Goddesses in our world are loving and kind, why are so many of their followers filled with ill will, self loathing and hate.  This young man challenged my assumption that Christians don't practice the loving words of their bible.

As far as universal truths are concerned, this whole experience was a gentle reminder that the universe brings back what we put out there.  A few days before this incident I helped an elderly gent by filling his small gas can at my local gas station.  What more direct link to a karmic connection can one observe?

We can become jaded and cynical, but an act of humble generosity can remind each of us that we are connected to each other in more ways than imaginable.  It is not a sign of weakness to be humble and help those in need, in fact just the opposite is true. we are never more powerful than when we are using our resources to share with others.  This experience has been a reminder that each of us has a moral obligation to be generous, to be helpful, and to be kind to our fellow humans.

Acting on this obligation is much more difficult.  It requires taking chances and sharing our vulnerabilities.  For now, I a content to not just walk by when someone is need, and to think a little differently about my fellow humans as I'm driving on my commute.

At Least One Port in a Storm

Seasons turn...our mild but wet Winter has blossomed into an even more mild but still wet Spring.  Gentle readers, I have been exceptionally remiss in updating everyone on my adventures.

First two adventures, both ports but only one in a storm:  first up Portland for an extended art scene weekend and then Port Costa for a quick day trip on a rainy Sunday.  

In late February we spent an extended weekend in one of my favorite towns, Portland.  We attended Yosiell's art opening at Liquid Sky gallery.  Even though the other two joining him in the show are really talented artists, Yosiell's work stood out for its excellence.

A bell jar Sickling.  

Excellent work, each of these bell jars seem to tell a  small story.  The candle is actually a light...

Lydia, another Woodland Orphan.

Another of our art stops was the Fernie Brae.  This eclectic store focused primarily on artworks by Brian Froud and his son, Toby.  Brian's work is featured in the movie the Dark Crystal and Labrynth. Way cool mystical artworks and an awesome vibe all around.  The shop owner Bryonie welcomed us as if we were guests in her home.

An exceptionally large piece on display at Fernie Brae. 

Another beautiful piece in a display case.  

This is definitely a shop that would be perfect for a showing of Sicklings.

Bryonie recommended a second stop to the Portland Puppet Museum.  The proprietors and master puppeteers regaled us with stories about Sherri and Lanbchop, Howdy Doody and all manner of famous puppets and puppeteers. We spent over an hour in this little workshop/puppet museum.  If in Portland, definitely a look-see is in order.  The proprietors curate a different show every few months as they can only display a few of their thousands of puppets at one time.  Definitely representative of the quirkiness that is Portland.

Indonesian puppets, very intricate.  

The chorus for an ancient Greek drama, Perseus.  

Medusa...

A puppet patterned after Elizabeth Tylor, very swivelly hips.  

Antique puppets.

Many of you may not be aware that Rusty, Yosiell, and I are currently gay stalkers for a cider maker.  We have grown to appreciate Crooked City Cider and the lovely artisan Dana, she makes some incredible ciders.   Dana recommended a cider place in Portland, Reverend Nat's, s naturally we had to check it out.   

Opting for tasting 12 different ciders, each very distinctive.  

Dana's recommendation didn't disappoint.    Next on our quirky Portland tour, the Lovecraft Bar, a goth bar based on the writings f H.P. Lovecraft.

Graphiti in the bathroom I thought was funny.."Ya'll Bunch of South Park Goths"

Even Portland weirdness must end and we were obligated to get back home.  Hanging out in Portland is a blast but back to Bay Area realness.

A few weekends after our Portland trip, we hopped in the car and drove the 45 minutes to Port Costa...a very small and somewhat secluded town in the northeast bay.  We savored an excellent brunch at Bull Valley restaurant and just enjoyed walking around this quaint hamlet.

Yosiell lurking in the alleyways,  

Rainy day bay view.

Railroad tracks art shot. 

California poppies.  

A cute coffee house in the hotel/former brothel.  

Rusty after a top notch brunch at Bull Valley with awesome Bloody Mary's.  

All kinds of quaintness inside the restaurant.  

 And of course at the end of March we once again celebrated the most holy of holidays, the Hunky Jesus and Foxy Mary contest in Golden Gate Park.

Early, before the multitudes arrived. 

Tom and girls being indoctrinated into the gay agenda...again!   

Becky enjoying sun and fun on this balmy spring day.  

CC copping some -tude because everything is lame when you are in your teens.  

Nimone and Yon feigning shock and surprise at the debauchery.  

Yes, Rusty did enter the bonnet contest and got up in front of a thousand people with the sisters.  

Classic pose reminiscent of a statesman.  

Nimone and moi...yes, I am sunburned...yes, I put on sunscreen, yes, it was painful and lasted two weeks.  

Well, gentle readers, there were other smaller adventures not included but those are the Spring highlights.  As you can see, the bay area and west coast in general offers many opportunities for fun.  I encourage you all to come find your own adventures on the left coast...we'll be waiting for you.